Kicking you out: Ass Sunday

Well guys. It’s the penultimate Sunday of the month, which can only mean one thing! We’re letting asses out today! Let’s get ASS singing in the comments section! ASS! ASS! ASS! ASS!

I am extremely disappointed with the referees at the World Cup. I woke up bright and early to watch the 11am opening match between Qatar and Ecuador. I was promised a completely rigged competition. I was really looking forward to watching the referees lead Qatar to victory. It started so well too. Within 3 minutes Ecuador scored an extremely clean goal that was very sideways and the referees called it back for offside. It was exactly what I had hoped for.

But that was the last rigging. I was expecting a lot more bullshit calls. The Qatari government promised more bullshit calls. If I had known these umpires would say fair game I would have put my life savings at Ecuador +140. Too bad about the referees.

It’s probably too late to place that bet now, but I placed a $45 bet on winning the World Cup in the United States. If the United States wins the World Cup, this bet pays out $10,000. It really puts into perspective how bad we are at football.

But I recently had that. Are people from New Mexico referred to as New Mexicans? That doesn’t sound quite right to me. If I have a friend who lives in Santa Fe and he comes to visit me, I can say, “My friend is coming to the party later, he’s New Mexican.” I think that’s technically correct. It really doesn’t sound good when you criticize them. Normally you can talk as much shit as you want about states. If I wanted to say, “I hate Californians” or “New Yorkers are so annoying,” it’s not really going to offend anyone. But what if I said, “I’m sick of these New Mexicans.” That doesn’t sound good.

I really wanted the word whinny to catch on for Colts fans. Because a stallion is a baby horse and horses say to whinny. I’ve tweeted/blogged about it a few times. However, the feedback was mostly negative. I’ve found that most Colts fans don’t want to do anything when they’re cheering for their team. I don’t identify with these people, but I respect their stance on the matter. Separately, I’ve submitted this t-shirt design to our merch team.

Of course, our graphic design team would have to clean it up (make the jersey blue, use a better font, put the horse’s head on the player’s body, etc.), but I’m sure they can make it look good.

Long story short, if I want to get the “neigh” shirts approved, I must first prove that I can sell some of our current Colts merchandise. Luckily, I think these Matty Ice shirts will fly off the shelves with a little nudge from me.

Pretty great, right? If everyone who reads this blog can only purchase one (1) Matty Ice t-shirt, I can have the whine shirts approved. If I can get the “howher” shirts approved, then my part is finally done. Consider these car wash themed ass GIFs a thank you for buying a Matty Ice shirt.

One last football related question before I close this ass blog. When you’re watching football and the team you’re cheering for comes out in the wildcat formation, what’s your first reaction? I always feel relieved because I know exactly what they’re going to do (let the ball go). I know it works sometimes, but I bet most people have the same reaction as me. And if that’s everyone’s reaction, why are teams still doing it?

Maybe there are some statistics out there that would prove me wrong. I’m just saying if I were a coach and the opposing team played in Wildkatze I would be happy because I know what’s coming. Based on that alone it seems like something not worth doing. Just pass the ball like an adult.