The Fork: Pictures of Thanksgiving Sick |

OK, so it’s a holiday, so we’re taking it looooooooooooooooooooooooordinarily easy this week. We know you’re busy. Heck, if you even opened this thing today, kudos. It’s vacation. Your mom is probably right behind you, bothering you that today’s Thanksgiving is nothing – no, Nothing– compared to the happier days of her own youth. She’s like Dylan Thomas-ing in Thanksgiving shape while Denholm Elliott is rolling in his grave (boom – actual) and you’re reading The Fork, arguably the dumbest food newsletter ever. Dig? Dig.

Anyway, it’s Thanksgiving, and we thought we could ring in the holidays by first mentioning what a bunch of colonialist babble this holiday is, and then dedicating this issue of Le Fork to crappy food porn. More specifically to the Facebook group Shitty Food Porn – a delightful compendium of the grossest foods out there. Why, you ask, are we doing this? Well, the answer is twofold: First, because we’re going on a vacation that made us lazy. And second, because even if for some reason you’re struggling to cook a nice meal over there, it’s probably not as awful as the following pics, which we pulled straight from the group. Join them, won’t you? It’s funny!

Oh, we thought of another reason. Everyone remember last year when we did the issue about weird Thanksgiving dishes? We didn’t want to repeat ourselves, but we wanted to do something… less than serious. Just know that.

And let’s get in:

We’re starting with this because it seems like some sort of bird, but also, like, what?! So they threw in half a carrot and called it a day, huh? Bet your turkey looks like a real winner in comparison. But again, it’s so strange that we eat birds.

We thought this would be a good addition because we’re from New Mexico and we think this particular promotion is one of the more despicable things we’ve seen. We know that New Mexican food is a Thanksgiving staple for many, burritos probably included. However, this is just a bunch of crap.

OK, we don’t really know if this is real or altered, but insofar as we don’t really doubt that it could be done, we err on the side of how we’ve entered a horrific new timeline where people think this is OK. So maybe your pecan pie isn’t gelled the way you envisioned it—at least it’s not.

We had to look that up after the last thing, and it’s absolutely real. WHY!? We understand the pumpkin spice thing became a joke or whatever, but at what point are we just playing god and unleashing unholy abominations on the world? shout out to everyone Final Fantasy XV Fans out there thinking Gladiolus when they saw this pic. If you don’t know what that means, that’s okay… the joke wasn’t for you.

As you know, we’re down with hot dogs. This is madness though. Someone is power drunk or just wants to watch the world burn like some kind of culinary Heath Ledger. Actually, wait… we could come over. Is this the worst thing we’ve ever seen? nope nope We don’t want it for Thanksgiving, but if we were good and high, maybe? We have to think.

Finally, one more thing for the New Mexicans—one little thing that will make you miss your mom’s kitchen. Yours is so much better. Actually, we understand why mom is bothering us about the holidays. It’s about the loss of time and youth and the terrible realization that time only goes in one direction. What is that, mother? No! No, we cannot commit to being buried with you. We must stay and fight until our blood turns brown on the rocks of glory.

Happy Thanksgiving, you bunch of colonial monsters, you!

You could always spend your vacation watching 10 hours of this…

Likewise

-We see them Santa Fe New Mexicans’s Teya Vitu eventually caught up with SFR’s coverage of Felipe’s Tacos. Welcome to the conversation, TNM! Nope, just kidding. We’re so depressed that Felipe Martinez is closing up shop, which is why we keep mentioning it.

-We’ll have to eat our own words here though, because Vitu totally outdid us with the whole Ecco Gelato & Espresso Hand Switching thing. In case you haven’t heard, longtime owner Matt Durkovich has passed ownership to Agapao Coffee owner Dave Black, who is sharing the news New Mexican He expects to reopen this weekend. You win this round, Vitu!!!

-BREAKING: We are sure that Teya Vitu is very nice.

– We’ve heard that La Boca chef James Campbell Caruso will finally be opening his corner store/deli/cafe/sandwich shop La Boca Bodega on December 2nd. According to our boss, you can expect a full story on this in next week’s SFR. He also said the sandwich he tried while covering the story got out of hand. Anyway, stay tuned.

– Speaking of things happening downtown, we’ll admit we’re intrigued by the upcoming sparkling wine tasting at La Casa Sena Wine Shop, but mostly because it’s called Fizz the Season. Someone is giving whoever came up with the name a raise! Anyway, it’s on Saturday December 10th and it’s only $40 per person. For tickets, call (505) 982-2121 or email [email protected]

-The New Mexico Restaurant Association, which is dedicated to New Mexico’s restaurants, has announced its 2022-23 Executive Committee, and it includes some pretty cool NM restaurant people — like new chairman Russell Hernandez of Salud! de Mesilla, Treasurer George Gundrey of Florence Jaramillo of Tomasita and Rancho de Chimayo. We like that restaurant people form the association because they know what restaurant people need (which is pretty much a good long break).

– Not as much food, but local pianist Doug Montgomery will be celebrating 40 years of shows in Santa Fe with a special show on Sunday, December 4th at the Rio Chama Steakhouse. The party starts at 6:00 p.m. and admission is free – no reservations required.

-That’s it for the local news because everyone seems to be too tired to pick up the phone now.

We’re not even sure what we mean by that, but this is… macabre.

More treats

– Aside from the fact that the World Cup in Qatar is weird and shitty for so many reasons, it seems that sponsoring beer company Budweiser has promised to send unsold beer from the event to Siegerland. Cool?

– But wait… why did they do that? Why is there unsold beer? It turns out Qatar told the company it could start selling alcohol-free bud to people just two days before things started. So maybe that’s cool of them after all? Actually you know what? There are so many better beers out there and you just know that a company of this size is up to strange things.

-DJ “I refuse to walk on my wife” Khaled is now selling what many call a crunchwrap copycat. The so-called Khaled Krunch is covered in Cheeto dust and has waffle fries and… that sounds really great.

– Speaking of Cheeto dust, the company launched its very own Cheeto grinder (which looks a lot like a coffee grinder) that allows people to turn Cheetos into dust for use with other foods. We don’t hate it.

– And that’s it, because we eat so much mushroom sauce that we fall asleep for days. Have fun, nerds!

A fully scholarly breakdown of The Fork’s correspondence

You’ll find so much food in the print edition of SFR this week, from a story about new downtown tasting rooms to a review of a new film The menu and a little about a new food anthology edited by Zosia Mamet.

Number of letters received

41

*And so many of you are donating to The Food Depot for our contest where people who prove they’ve donated to The Food Depot can win an OK prize! You can still do that, just send us a donation receipt [email protected].

Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter to the editor)

“You know what? Pumpkins ARE my favorite pumpkin.”

*Is it weird that we have lukewarm pumpkin feelings at best?

Really helpful tips

A few vegetarian recipe ideas too long to include here but much appreciated.

*We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – fork readers are the best readers around.

Praying clamdy canes are a joke

The fork

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